Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Boobs speak an international language.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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