Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
