Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
