If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
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