It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
