Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
