There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
