There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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