Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
