I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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