he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
