I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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