I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
NoShamevember. You game?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize