it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
