just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
