the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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