Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize