Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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