i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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