ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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