he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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