He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
