Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
