I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
