WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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