I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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