Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
