Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
