Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize