I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
