I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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