I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the day after is always just damage control
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
