I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
