I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
