Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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