i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize