How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
