I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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