Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
