OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
