When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Text me some of your sweat
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
