party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
