omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
this just has baby written all over it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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