Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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