yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
