I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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