jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
