Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
