You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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