is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
