Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
