have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
