# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
