apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
