did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
