He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
