It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
