This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
