I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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