ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
