my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You ruined the universe
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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