i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
