I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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