yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
