Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize