The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
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