He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
