He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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