cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
