I'm so fucking centered right now
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
