someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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