Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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