Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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